“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” Ephesians 4:29 KJV
If you must build a better marriage, there are things you must never do or say. This chapter’s focus will be on things that must never be said to your spouse.
I WISH I NEVER GOT INVOLVED WITH YOU:
This is a bad statement from an uncultured mind. No matter what the problem is, settle it. Never speak wrongly to your partner.
I WISH I MARRIED SOMEONE ELSE:
Bringing up a former lover or relationship is the worst thing you can do. Even if it isn’t true, your partner will always believe it.
SHUT UP:
This is rude and crude. Gentlemen and ladies are not known to say this. Are you one of them?
ALWAYS OR NEVER:
Avoid generalising, they are not true. For instance, don’t say, “You never do anything right in this house”, “You always behave like a fool”.
YOU HAVE TO DO THIS:
You should never speak to your partner in an authoritarian manner. Such a manner is reserved for unruly children or pets.
I WILL DIVORCE YOU:
Never use the ‘D’ word. Most of the time, people say this to threaten their spouse even if they don’t mean it. Such a statement can cause damage as it has been planted into your marriage and the heart of your spouse. It will take God’s intervention for such damage to be repaired.
DON’T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY, BUT…:
”Complete honesty in relationships can often seriously backfire,” says Julienne Derichs, a licensed marriage counsellor. She also said, “In relationships, intimacy, comfort, and closeness are often confused with ‘unbridled self-expression’, which is where a person lets the flood gates open. Sometimes I hear people say ‘I’m just trying to be open and honest’ in defence of their behaviour. But being open and honest does not mean spouting off thoughts and feelings without consideration of your partner.”
I HATE YOU:
Hate speeches and speakers are detested all over the world. This is one of them.
YOU ARE AN IDIOT:
If this is true, a person who married an idiot must be an idiot too.
YOU ARE SUCH A FAILURE:
“Hearing these words is like branding failure into your soul. You can’t take them back, even if they were uttered in anger and rage. They will linger and become a self-fulfilling prophecy.” says relationship expert, Audrey Hope.
YOU ARE A GOLD DIGGER:
Thank God that you are gold that can be dug.
YOU HAVE TO DO THIS:
This is a compulsion that always comes with threats. It’s very dangerous, don’t say it.
I WILL BEAT YOU:
An adult should not say something like this, it is childish. It should only be heard in a kindergarten school. Unfortunately, many adults have stopped growing since kindergarten.
I WILL KILL YOU:
When did you become a killer? This is the height of the wrong thing you can say.
I AM SORRY BUT…:
Apologising by saying “sorry” can be very good for couples. But the way it’s said is the most important. When a ‘but’ follows an ‘I’m sorry’, it negates it. It shows that one isn’t truly sorry but defensive. The word ‘sorry’ softens the mind before a punch.
YOU LOOK TOO FAT:
There are better ways to say this instead of killing your spouse’s self-esteem.
YOU LOOK UGLY:
An ugly mouth is worse than a so-called ugly face. Nobody is ugly. People who label other people ugly have an ugly heart.
A &B ARE BETTER THAN YOU:
You are making other people better than you too if you say this. Never compare your spouse with anyone.
YOUR MOTHER OR FATHER IS SO …:
When you are angry, leave his or her mother out of it. It is unfair and childish to do that.
YOU DON’T TURN ME ON ANY LONGER:
Then the problem is you, not your spouse. You need to check what has gone wrong with your mind. It is a shame if you go so low that your spouse cannot touch your heart and emotions. It’s also a shame if you brag about it.
I WILL MARRY ANOTHER PERSON:
This is a threat that may lead one to commit grave mistakes. Don’t do it.
SEX IS BETTER WITH…:
Sex can never be better with someone else whether in your past or present. To compare your spouse to any other person is very wrong and dangerous.
MY BODY BELONGS TO ME:
No! Your body belongs to your husband as soon as you marry him. It ceases to belong to you alone from that day onward. Please read 1 Corinthians 7:1-5
YOU’RE WRONG TO BE ANGRY:
Never tell your partner how they should or shouldn’t feel. Feelings aren’t right or wrong; they’re feelings. A person who feels like their feelings don’t matter to their partner will feel like they don’t matter.” Says a life coach, Thomas Gagliano.
I DON’T CARE:
“Saying that you don’t care stimulates a primitive fear of abandonment in most people and can make your partner feel worthless. Being in a loving relationship means always caring about your partner, no matter what.” Says sexologist Sunny Rodgers.
WHAT DID I DO NOW?
“Asking your partner ‘What did I do now?’ is also extremely dismissive,” Patterson says. “It sends a message that you know you are always the bad guy or girl in their mind. Nobody likes to be made to feel like they’re constantly nagging or complaining, which is why saying this can cause the other person to shut down. In cases like these, the typical response is ‘never mind,’ or ‘why do I even bother?’,” Patterson notes. “This is their way of avoiding a possible argument momentarily, but it doesn’t resolve the issue.
YOU HAVE STARTED AGAIN:
This will make your partner feel he or she is always bad. Avoid this at all cost.
CURSED BE THE DAY I MET YOU:
What will you say about the day when you settled this matter? It is wrong to say this.
YOU BEHAVE LIKE A PROSTITUTE:
Don’t ever say this to a woman; she is your wife, not a whore.
SEE YOU IN COURT:
Threatening your spouse with a court is the height of foolishness. You must never do it.
You will not fail in marriage in Jesus name
